T is for Tiger

Today: Staying Power (ful)

Two topics to discuss today:
1. Why liberals need to stay in the US.
2. Why the Gay Rights movement needs to become the Gay Power movement.

First of all, it’s hard to want to stay here. I know. I’ve read all kinds things post-election that all essentially say ‘let’s leave.’ They talk about ‘giving up the fight;’ they talk about ‘escaping the tyranny;’ some about simply ‘needing a change.’ These are in newspapers, in magazines, they’re on the blogs of my friends, some read my blog, some are complete strangers posting things on websites I happen on when looking for the opinion of people I’m not in direct contact with-in short, everywhere I go, I see things that suggest ‘it’s time to quit.’

I’m not going to say I haven’t had my own fantasies about moving. I imagine whisking myself off to some location where I’d have to learn a new language to speak to the natives. These natives would greet me warmly and nod their heads knowingly when I explained--perhaps in Portuguese, maybe German-- that I was an ex-pat from the extremist military-religious country that the US has become. They’d remark that my accent would have suggested that I come from down the street, though my clothing is most typically American (in my fantasies, I always have a perfectly flawless native accent when speaking foreign languages, but my style never changes).

These fantasies include a strange detached feeling from all I’ve come to know in my life: I no longer act, I don’t call people and tell them to buy Opera subscriptions, and I don’t talk to Evan two times a day. I don’t even update my blog in my ex-pat dreams; I write long handwritten letters to my friends and family in the US telling them how wonderful the wine is here and that I hope my next chapter will be finished by the holiday.

I told you it was a fantasy.

So, now for the reality: WE CAN NOT LEAVE. For starters, it’s a cost thing. Most of the people suggesting we leave don’t even have the ability to do so themselves, yet they suggest others do so. At least for my own part, it’s impossible to leave now- I’m broke. Beyond that, though, if I had the money, I just don’t think I would. It’s not just about the fact that I love New York, or my life here, or Acting. I do love those things, but the point is that I’m important to this country right now.

I’m an American. Me: gay, liberal, working poor me. I’m an American and I have a voice. This country needs me—needs all of us liberals to stay here. If we just left, where would the country go? We know the kind of people in power now; we know what they’re capable of. Imagine what would happen if these people went un-checked. We would be leaving the largest military force in the world, the largest stockpiles of chemical, biological and nuclear weaponry in the hands of religious extremists.

This isn’t about ‘us’ losing the election to ‘them,’ either. The tribalism of American society is getting out of control. Each side uses this ‘us or them’ philosophy that’s dividing this country so far that I don’t know where we’re going to go or how, if ever we can heal ourselves. Simply, Americans need to learn that the issues (whatever issues they are) aren’t ever black and white, good and evil or ‘right and wrong’.

In short: this rampant dualism must be stopped, on ALL levels.

Nothing is as cut and dry as anyone wishes. We have to start beginning to understand that. This society is really beginning to show symptoms of a horrible mental collapse. It’s as though American society is beginning to really believe it’s the only society in the world-that we’re the only ones that matter.

Our foreign policy certainly would suggest that kind of mental lapse. We don’t think twice about killing 95,000 people to avenge the deaths of 2,300. Somehow our losses are worth more. When we raided Fallujah (a city the size of Cincinnati), the Iraqi organizations trying to help civilians reported that we had completely cut off their ability to feed the innocents in Fallujah or to get medicine to injured civilians caught in the crossfire between our military and the insurgents hiding there. The military accepts such eventualities, calling them collateral damage that can’t be avoided. These are deaths in the name of protecting the very people that we are killing. Many of the soldiers don’t realize what’s going on until they return and get to see what’s going on as far as the world is concerned, not just the US military.

And now Condaleeza Rice is going to be the Secretary of State. (gag/shudder)

But despite the overwhelming dissatisfaction that we all feel with the government right now, the idea of moving to somewhere else becomes more and more the least patriotic thing to do. If you love what this country is supposed to stand for, running away should be the furthest thing from your mind, right? I mean, we’re supposed to root for the underdog as Americans, right? The colonies were the ones that were small and the British were the ones who were the big, tough profit mongers trying to squash the little guy—well, now it’s us. We have to root for ourselves and stick this mess out or there will be nothing left of the United States but a few pieces of ‘quaint and antiquated*’ paper which no longer mean anything to the people who make and enforce the laws here. (*Thank you Alberto Gonzales for referring to the articles of the Geneva Convention as such and giving us that sterling example of the horrors to come)

Along the same vein, I’m now to point two of this little rant: Gay Pride and Power.

For a long time, I’ve been trying to figure out why the notion of ‘gay pride’ bothers me. Today I figured it out.

If we’re so proud, why the FUCK is it that we’re so quick to let the whole struggle for equality slow down whenever our rights are questioned? Why is it that every time we’re threatened, we back down, just hoping to wait out the storm—that doesn’t sound very proud. Why is it that the white party draws more crowds than marches for equality? Why, when we ARE so proud of our creativity, why are we so utterly unwilling to devote our huge resources and creativity to winning our rights? Why, why, WHY?!

I think it’s got a lot to do with the misuse of the word pride. The misuse is a stumbling block that we as a minority have got to get past or we’ll never evolve to where we want to be. I’ve got a vision of what it could be: Gay Strength or Gay Power replacing Gay Pride.

I mean, really, why settle for pride when pride accomplishes nothing for itself? It was a terrible disservice to us, whoever coined that phrase. I understand we have a lot of internal homophobia to get over, but when we’ve done that, what’s next—skip on over to the local sex club, gym or bar (or some hideous combination of the three), get wasted, fuck some random person and say ‘okay, I’m a real homo now, I can stop fighting!’?

The whole ‘pride’ agenda is completely lacking any direction beyond stroking our egos and help us feel warm and fuzzy about being members of a minority that has been kicked and browbeaten by every society since the Greeks. There is more to us than that. We’ve got needs more than just being okay with liking someone of the same sex. Isn’t it time we start looking at ourselves differently than ‘am I okay with being gay today?’

I see too many young gay people respond to the question 'are you gay?' with some kind of hesitancy and apology. I’m guilty of it myself. I know where it comes from, so do you: we’re still pushed into thinking we’re wrong for being who we are--and that sucks, but it could be worse—we’re not an ethnic minority (collectively). However, instead of this cow-towing to the pitiful people who wish our destruction at the cost of their own well-being, we need to say something like ‘you’re god damn right I’m gay, and you’re wrong if you have a problem with it.’

I mean, I guess that’s the essence of the pride movement: to empower us to the point that we’re confident--but it’s not there. Not by a long shot. The ‘pride movement is collectively babying all the people who want to pretend that what’s important is that you get to fuck who you want whenever you want. The pride movement thinks as long as you’re getting laid that it’s okay that many work environments are completely homophobic—that being out could cost you your job. The Pride movement as it stands is ecstatic that leather parties and drag shows are allowed to happen in the streets in broad daylight, but would never caution or criticize people’s drug habits or the rampant promiscuity that is literally killing us—why, that would be denying what we are!

Fuck that.

I’m not my penis. I’m not who I fuck. Neither are you. And I think that it is completely inappropriate that in a so-called ‘free’ country that who I fuck should dictate weather I’m capable of performing a job. Lucky for me, I’m an actor—wait, no, NOT lucky for me. Because, as you may or may not know, gay people may be all over the media (Will & Grace, Philadelphia, Queer as Folk--the list goes on) but to out yourself before you’re famous is most clearly career suicide. It’s not done.

I think that we, like many Americans, have to stop letting ourselves be completely screwed over by people who say they’re our friends and then turn around and stab us in the back. I liked Clinton, but it’s fucked up that he upheld the don’t ask don’t tell policy. Of all the lame-ass ideas that the heterosexist military could come up with, that’s by far the most offensive. That a government agency can be so BLATANTLY discriminatory against us should have us rioting in the streets, not ho-humming about how we don’t look good in fatigues anyway. You can bet your ass that if ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ was applied to Jews or blacks, that there would be a full-scale culture war in our country. Yet, we just sit back and say ‘it’s okay, my marine boyfriend and I are quiet people anyway—no one needs to know.’

I also reject this whole ‘don’t throw the baby out with the bath water’ notion—as far as I’m concerned, we ARE the baby. Once again, and I hate to use ethnic and religious minorities as examples, but if a candidate for office was against allowing Jews to practice their religious services, do you think a single Jew would vote for him? Regardless of the candidate’s other platforms, I think I can say with certainty that the Jewish people would be UP IN ARMS against a ‘hateful bigot’ that would even suggest that people not be allowed to conduct themselves according to their beliefs.

Somehow, this idea of solidarity has not transferred to us gays. I know of quite a few homosexuals who happily voted for a man who really thinks we are sick people and that we shouldn’t have the right to legally enter into a contract that everyone else in the country can. This is a man who wants discrimination against us to become part of the document that our country is built on. I even know that the immediate family of this candidate’s second in command includes at least one homosexual.

What a weak, weak person that gay person must be to not stand up against what they must know in her heart is completely backwards. This weakness is what’s killing us. This complacency. I think we all could use some strength right now—and given the political climate, I know it’s hard to be strong, but there are some things that I know definitely won’t help us achieve what we want.

Strength is not what you get from a membership at New York Sports Club, or Crunch Fitness or even David Barton Gym. Strength is not thinking that because you live in a ‘blue-state’ with domestic partner benefits that you don’t have anything to gain anymore. Strength is not actively forgetting that in some places of the country, just holding your boyfriend’s hand could get you killed.

Strength is what you get when you realize that you have the power to act and to speak about what you believe. Strength is the power to not let the homophobic comment of a co-worker slip by you—no one would take racist comments, why should you take gay ones? Until we start sticking up for our selves and each other in our day-to-day life, how can we say we really want change—or deserve it, for that matter? Of course there’s something to be said for picking our battles—I can see that. But right now people are attacking our very relationships—the ones we’ve sought to bring into the open for decades—and trying to make us feel like we shouldn’t be recognized by a country WE have helped build and shape.

I’m an advocate of gay strength. I want this movement to become the gay power movement—not like the black panthers or anything militant like that. What we need is a way to empower ourselves without forgetting that there’s a point to why we’re doing this. The greater good is not our sexual liberation—we’ve gotten that. What we need now is to get our rights and let the rest of the country know that we mean business. Boycott companies that don’t give domestic partner benefits. Refuse to vote for people who will cut our rights, no matter WHAT their energy platform or health care platform is.

We are a part of this population that has done so much in the last decades to gain respect and tolerance. Now is not the time to sit back and enjoy a well-deserved break, though. We have a fight to finish and we must be strong to do it. We must also stay to fight it out so that future American homos can look at our generation as an example of strength against adversity—in short, we need to be strong role models; our legacy is in our hands.

Gay power, my brothers and sisters. Gay power.