Sunday, July 18, 2004
Today: Before Returning to the East.
Things I've noticed in two trips home in 3 weeks:
1. It's colder here. Really. In new york I would never have to bring a sweatshirt with me wherever I go unless I'm with a girl who will eventually whine about being cold in the 75 degree weather at night and need . Here, I have to bring two sweatshirts: one for me, and one for said girl.
2. Weddings are weird and generally uncomfortable. I've been to 3 weddings this year, if you count a performance of Tony & Tina's wedding (which really might as well be a wedding). The participants, generally are nervous, and the attendants, if they've known the bride, groom or both for very long are also nervous. Everyone is confused as to what to do all the time, even if there is a rehearsal. The reception is crazy, because we've all been to so many of them that we're not sure the exact protocol (even if there is a program). Eventually, we all get tired of trying to figure out what we're supposed to do and just get drunk. This is the part of the wedding that I like. The rest, excluding the ceremony, of course, is unnecessary theatrics.
3. I don't like the confederate flag, especially when I see it up north. I've seen it now twice this weekend alone--on cars with clearly NORTHERN license plates (NY, CT) . I think if you're a northerner, putting that kind of symbol on your vehicle begs other drivers to ask themselves "if I pass this redneck motherfucker, am I going to be killed by his filthy shotgun and then dragged behind his pickup until I'm an unrecognizable stump?" My mother tried telling me that people who put those symbols on their cars aren't racists, they just want states to have rights. My response to that was "mother, if you said 'federalism' to any of those people, do you expect them to know what that means?" she couldn't come up with a satisfactory answer, so I won that argument. In my humble (ha) opinion, the fact that people will still make and market that kind of out-0f-date, hateful paraphernalia proves how far we have NOT come as a country.
4. I have some home organizing to do. My mother's on board for the Defeat Bush again in '04 campaign, but my step-father is not convinced. I tried to use the 'do you want me to be a marginalized, disenfranchised citizen?' tactic, but his response to that was 'you're not the only person in the country' . Evan said I should have replied 'neither are you,' but I said 'if it was up to the republicans, I wouldn't be in this country, I'd be dead; that's what they want.' He thought I was being dramatic, but we all know it's true. Take away our rights, tell us we're not welcome here, what's next, boxcars?
5. I really like babies. Rachel's baby, Will, is the most adorable thing. Ever. He and I have officially bonded over running around at Jay & Emily's wedding, looking at flowers, growling, and pretending we're taller than everyone. I like him a lot. I want to spoil him now. This is what it feels like to be an uncle, I think. Uncle Matt. I like that.
6. There is a lot of sky here, and it's really, really quiet. Having been in the city for almost a year non-stop, I've come to realize how New York has changed me subtlely. I look up when I'm home and see so much...sky, it's crazy. I guess that's what they mean by the sky is bigger... weird. Also, it's so quiet here that when I hear any noise at all, it makes me jump.
7. I'm worried about my sister Stephanie. She does things that a 17 year old shouldn't do and I'm worried that it might keep her from doing the things she's ultimately going to want to do. I don't like her friends, I don't like the people she dates and I know she's smarter than all of the dumb shit she's doing. Why do people lower themselves to the lowest common denominator? Is it just because they are afraid of being rejected by anyone they actually respect?
8. My parents can no longer bitch to me about money. My mother owns 2 minivans (one so big it can hardly be called a 'mini' anything) , like 3 horses or something, and enough riding and horse apparel that when I take the smaller minivan (which is used now exclusively for horse or garden-related moving-around stuff) she tells me to lock up the car because it's got a $3,000 saddle in it. I don't have a $3,000 ANYTHING. The next time she bitches to me about money, I'm going to remind her that I don't have health insurance (thank you, GWB.)
9. I'm really, really hoping that we can get our boys and girls out of the middle east. I'm feeling like there's something really horrible coming soon. I don't know what, but it terrifies me.
10. Where I'm from is beautiful, but I still would never live here. There are beautiful rolling hills, grape fields, corn fields, hay fields, cow pastures, horse pastures. There are also rednecks and bigots of all sizes and shapes--well, actually they're mostly fat. I'm glad I come from such a different place than where I live, because it gives me a different perspective on the city. I'm not ever going to live in a place like this permanently, though. There is just no access to real intellectual conversation. I'm really happy to have come back so much this summer, but I'm really, REALLY glad that I won't have to again for a while.
Peace Out.
Things I've noticed in two trips home in 3 weeks:
1. It's colder here. Really. In new york I would never have to bring a sweatshirt with me wherever I go unless I'm with a girl who will eventually whine about being cold in the 75 degree weather at night and need . Here, I have to bring two sweatshirts: one for me, and one for said girl.
2. Weddings are weird and generally uncomfortable. I've been to 3 weddings this year, if you count a performance of Tony & Tina's wedding (which really might as well be a wedding). The participants, generally are nervous, and the attendants, if they've known the bride, groom or both for very long are also nervous. Everyone is confused as to what to do all the time, even if there is a rehearsal. The reception is crazy, because we've all been to so many of them that we're not sure the exact protocol (even if there is a program). Eventually, we all get tired of trying to figure out what we're supposed to do and just get drunk. This is the part of the wedding that I like. The rest, excluding the ceremony, of course, is unnecessary theatrics.
3. I don't like the confederate flag, especially when I see it up north. I've seen it now twice this weekend alone--on cars with clearly NORTHERN license plates (NY, CT) . I think if you're a northerner, putting that kind of symbol on your vehicle begs other drivers to ask themselves "if I pass this redneck motherfucker, am I going to be killed by his filthy shotgun and then dragged behind his pickup until I'm an unrecognizable stump?" My mother tried telling me that people who put those symbols on their cars aren't racists, they just want states to have rights. My response to that was "mother, if you said 'federalism' to any of those people, do you expect them to know what that means?" she couldn't come up with a satisfactory answer, so I won that argument. In my humble (ha) opinion, the fact that people will still make and market that kind of out-0f-date, hateful paraphernalia proves how far we have NOT come as a country.
4. I have some home organizing to do. My mother's on board for the Defeat Bush again in '04 campaign, but my step-father is not convinced. I tried to use the 'do you want me to be a marginalized, disenfranchised citizen?' tactic, but his response to that was 'you're not the only person in the country' . Evan said I should have replied 'neither are you,' but I said 'if it was up to the republicans, I wouldn't be in this country, I'd be dead; that's what they want.' He thought I was being dramatic, but we all know it's true. Take away our rights, tell us we're not welcome here, what's next, boxcars?
5. I really like babies. Rachel's baby, Will, is the most adorable thing. Ever. He and I have officially bonded over running around at Jay & Emily's wedding, looking at flowers, growling, and pretending we're taller than everyone. I like him a lot. I want to spoil him now. This is what it feels like to be an uncle, I think. Uncle Matt. I like that.
6. There is a lot of sky here, and it's really, really quiet. Having been in the city for almost a year non-stop, I've come to realize how New York has changed me subtlely. I look up when I'm home and see so much...sky, it's crazy. I guess that's what they mean by the sky is bigger... weird. Also, it's so quiet here that when I hear any noise at all, it makes me jump.
7. I'm worried about my sister Stephanie. She does things that a 17 year old shouldn't do and I'm worried that it might keep her from doing the things she's ultimately going to want to do. I don't like her friends, I don't like the people she dates and I know she's smarter than all of the dumb shit she's doing. Why do people lower themselves to the lowest common denominator? Is it just because they are afraid of being rejected by anyone they actually respect?
8. My parents can no longer bitch to me about money. My mother owns 2 minivans (one so big it can hardly be called a 'mini' anything) , like 3 horses or something, and enough riding and horse apparel that when I take the smaller minivan (which is used now exclusively for horse or garden-related moving-around stuff) she tells me to lock up the car because it's got a $3,000 saddle in it. I don't have a $3,000 ANYTHING. The next time she bitches to me about money, I'm going to remind her that I don't have health insurance (thank you, GWB.)
9. I'm really, really hoping that we can get our boys and girls out of the middle east. I'm feeling like there's something really horrible coming soon. I don't know what, but it terrifies me.
10. Where I'm from is beautiful, but I still would never live here. There are beautiful rolling hills, grape fields, corn fields, hay fields, cow pastures, horse pastures. There are also rednecks and bigots of all sizes and shapes--well, actually they're mostly fat. I'm glad I come from such a different place than where I live, because it gives me a different perspective on the city. I'm not ever going to live in a place like this permanently, though. There is just no access to real intellectual conversation. I'm really happy to have come back so much this summer, but I'm really, REALLY glad that I won't have to again for a while.
Peace Out.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Today: Five minutes of thoughts.
So, i've got Five minutes left on my time at the NYC Library of Performing arts and with it I'm going to attempt to write a very quick blog entry on how I'm feeling today.
It's hot: Wow. I never realized just how damn hot it would get here in the summer. People are always saying "new york gets so damn hot" but i never really believed them. WOW.
I'm poor, but not too poor: I'm making a lot more money with this job than I thought I would. That's a good thing. I'm still not making a third of what I used to, but it's a start. I'll try harder and see what I can come up with.
I try too hard: I think i need to take a step back from just about everything this next month and really concentrate on becoming more simple, less up-tight and more focused, but not so rigid. I'm really worried that i'm going to become a bitter person, otherwise.
okay
five minutes is about up.
gotta publish.
So, i've got Five minutes left on my time at the NYC Library of Performing arts and with it I'm going to attempt to write a very quick blog entry on how I'm feeling today.
It's hot: Wow. I never realized just how damn hot it would get here in the summer. People are always saying "new york gets so damn hot" but i never really believed them. WOW.
I'm poor, but not too poor: I'm making a lot more money with this job than I thought I would. That's a good thing. I'm still not making a third of what I used to, but it's a start. I'll try harder and see what I can come up with.
I try too hard: I think i need to take a step back from just about everything this next month and really concentrate on becoming more simple, less up-tight and more focused, but not so rigid. I'm really worried that i'm going to become a bitter person, otherwise.
okay
five minutes is about up.
gotta publish.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Today: They return?
Okay. So those of you who are from my past and have come out of the wood work to read my blog...my email is Matthewmager@hotmail.com. Get in touch with me! If it happens that you are someone that I all ready have been talking to again...do email me, i'd love to get back in touch more than we all ready are.
Love
Matt
Okay. So those of you who are from my past and have come out of the wood work to read my blog...my email is Matthewmager@hotmail.com. Get in touch with me! If it happens that you are someone that I all ready have been talking to again...do email me, i'd love to get back in touch more than we all ready are.
Love
Matt
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Today: At HomeTown: The sun, weddings, and Dick size.
So, On Friday, after 3 hours of work, I boarded a train which would be home for the next 10 hours of my life. The Amtrak Maple Leaf Express train from NY to Niagara Falls travels up the Hudson river to Albany, then heads west to Syracuse, Rochester and then to Buffalo before going north again to Niagara Falls...then I think it goes to Canada. Well, due to some weird sort of scheduling mishap I ended up showing my breast to--wait, no, I ended up getting off at Rochester and driving down with Sara to Fredonia. Where I'm from. It's a little town full of little college and little bars and just, well, a lot of littleness.
On the way, I finished two books, three magazines and read an entire village voice (yes. Including the back section--Speaking of which, Mandy the she-male is very attractive for a trannie hooker...hmmm)
The reason for my return to Fredonia was not the 4th of July. I'm not that familially patriotic and I didn't even have the money to come up. As luck would have it, my very good friend Riley was getting married this weekend in Westfield, which is even smaller and more in the middle of nowhere than Fredoina. My step mother, Liz, offered to help pay for the trip if I really wanted to come up. Of COURSE, given what I've been writing about NY, I said Hell yeah and the rest is aforementioned history.
So, I get to Fredonia and yesterday being a perfect day, Sara and I went to the beach and played Frisbee with her sister and her friends, talked with her cousin Megan (the genius who SHOULD NOT go to SUNY Fredonia for college), and went on a walk over where we used to hang out. We were there for just under 3 hours. It was nice.
Except, of course, not heeding the warnings of everyone, I went out without sunscreen and was burnt to a veritable crisp. This is weird to me because when I'm home in NY I spend 2-3 hours in the sun a day about twice a week and never have a problem like I did yesterday. Could it be that the sun is brighter here in Fredonia?
I doubt it.
Anyway, so later on, I put on nice clothes and took Sara to the wedding I was going to. It was BEAUTIFUL. I can't imagine a more perfect wedding (well, Christian one, at least). They looked beautiful. The evening was beautiful. The whole thing...just...breathtaking. I got a little misty. They're a perfect couple and I'm so happy for them. I wish I could do more for them beyond just be their friend, but I guess since they're perfect, they should be fine without my help.
Well, after the Perfect Wedding, Sara and I drove back into town, changed, picked up Evan and went to Wanda's house for what I thought was going to be a party. Well, it wasn't. When we arrived, there were only 3 people there. Wanda was all ready plastered, and they immediately entered into a conversation about the sizes of the penises that the guys they'd slept with had. I was not very enthusiastic about this conversation given the situation I had just been in, but I rarely get to see Wanda, and Sara is close with the other two girls that were there (I'm friends with them, too, but not very close) so I figured, whatever. I was DD and so I preferred to be around in case something happened...nothing did. We ended up dropping Evan off home and going to BJ's. Guh.
Speaking of size. There are sooo many large, unhappy people in this town. Whenever I'm home, somehow I always end up at BJ's and every time, I recognize fewer people. This is not because I know less people, it's because all of the people that have stayed here (save a few notable exceptions-ARRRR) have gotten fat. This time, some guy who I obviously went to highschool with came up to me and was extolling on how great it is to grow up. He introduced me to his wife and asked me what I'd been up to and remarked that he remembered that I was voted most likely to succeed (I wasn't. I was voted most cheerful...Ha). Well I didn't but barely recognize him. I didn't bother asking his name because I doubt I'll see him again until some kind of reunion, where, thank god, he will be wearing nametags, like everyone else I graduated with.
Finally, we decided to leave, I packed Wanda, who was, at this point, completely annihilated by alcohol into the minivan I'm borrowing from my mother and drove her and Sara home.
My home town is so relaxing!
There is a lot of stuff I have to think about regarding how I feel here. I don't know if I'm ever going to be comfortable here again. Ever.
So, On Friday, after 3 hours of work, I boarded a train which would be home for the next 10 hours of my life. The Amtrak Maple Leaf Express train from NY to Niagara Falls travels up the Hudson river to Albany, then heads west to Syracuse, Rochester and then to Buffalo before going north again to Niagara Falls...then I think it goes to Canada. Well, due to some weird sort of scheduling mishap I ended up showing my breast to--wait, no, I ended up getting off at Rochester and driving down with Sara to Fredonia. Where I'm from. It's a little town full of little college and little bars and just, well, a lot of littleness.
On the way, I finished two books, three magazines and read an entire village voice (yes. Including the back section--Speaking of which, Mandy the she-male is very attractive for a trannie hooker...hmmm)
The reason for my return to Fredonia was not the 4th of July. I'm not that familially patriotic and I didn't even have the money to come up. As luck would have it, my very good friend Riley was getting married this weekend in Westfield, which is even smaller and more in the middle of nowhere than Fredoina. My step mother, Liz, offered to help pay for the trip if I really wanted to come up. Of COURSE, given what I've been writing about NY, I said Hell yeah and the rest is aforementioned history.
So, I get to Fredonia and yesterday being a perfect day, Sara and I went to the beach and played Frisbee with her sister and her friends, talked with her cousin Megan (the genius who SHOULD NOT go to SUNY Fredonia for college), and went on a walk over where we used to hang out. We were there for just under 3 hours. It was nice.
Except, of course, not heeding the warnings of everyone, I went out without sunscreen and was burnt to a veritable crisp. This is weird to me because when I'm home in NY I spend 2-3 hours in the sun a day about twice a week and never have a problem like I did yesterday. Could it be that the sun is brighter here in Fredonia?
I doubt it.
Anyway, so later on, I put on nice clothes and took Sara to the wedding I was going to. It was BEAUTIFUL. I can't imagine a more perfect wedding (well, Christian one, at least). They looked beautiful. The evening was beautiful. The whole thing...just...breathtaking. I got a little misty. They're a perfect couple and I'm so happy for them. I wish I could do more for them beyond just be their friend, but I guess since they're perfect, they should be fine without my help.
Well, after the Perfect Wedding, Sara and I drove back into town, changed, picked up Evan and went to Wanda's house for what I thought was going to be a party. Well, it wasn't. When we arrived, there were only 3 people there. Wanda was all ready plastered, and they immediately entered into a conversation about the sizes of the penises that the guys they'd slept with had. I was not very enthusiastic about this conversation given the situation I had just been in, but I rarely get to see Wanda, and Sara is close with the other two girls that were there (I'm friends with them, too, but not very close) so I figured, whatever. I was DD and so I preferred to be around in case something happened...nothing did. We ended up dropping Evan off home and going to BJ's. Guh.
Speaking of size. There are sooo many large, unhappy people in this town. Whenever I'm home, somehow I always end up at BJ's and every time, I recognize fewer people. This is not because I know less people, it's because all of the people that have stayed here (save a few notable exceptions-ARRRR) have gotten fat. This time, some guy who I obviously went to highschool with came up to me and was extolling on how great it is to grow up. He introduced me to his wife and asked me what I'd been up to and remarked that he remembered that I was voted most likely to succeed (I wasn't. I was voted most cheerful...Ha). Well I didn't but barely recognize him. I didn't bother asking his name because I doubt I'll see him again until some kind of reunion, where, thank god, he will be wearing nametags, like everyone else I graduated with.
Finally, we decided to leave, I packed Wanda, who was, at this point, completely annihilated by alcohol into the minivan I'm borrowing from my mother and drove her and Sara home.
My home town is so relaxing!
There is a lot of stuff I have to think about regarding how I feel here. I don't know if I'm ever going to be comfortable here again. Ever.
