T is for Tiger

Today: Outlook sunny…ish…

So, I’m stuck on a train at the moment; what a good time to write. I’m late for work. I’ll probably get yelled at for not communicating better that I’m on my way, but I can’t very well call when I’m on a train stuck underground that hasn’t moved for 5 minutes.

Anyway, outside of my lateness, there are many good things going on in my life. I’ve found a way to be more communicative with some people that I haven’t been all that good about talking to over the past few years, I’ve begun a new chapter of my romantic life (ie the one where I’m not so actively terrified of everything, most of all, being loved) and I’m trying really hard to be pro-active in all areas of my personal and professional life.

It’s a heavy plate. I know, because I wait tables. But, it’s all worth it. In 2005, I had some really great moments. Otherwise, it was a good year, but had a lot of depression and confusion with it. I want 2006 to not have so much depression, so I’m going to do what it takes not to have that happen. This will be the year that’s great, with moments of sadness and frustration, rather than a sad, frustrated year with moments of greatness.

Evan and I had a wonderful conversation the other night. I scared the crap out of him, and I’m sort of not sorry for that. It’s important during a work-out regimen to occasionally break the plateau and really get uncomfortable so you can continue to build muscle. I’m going to start treating my interpersonal relationships more like that. Sara and I throughout highschool always had this time during the year when we said ‘okay, now is the part of the year when we figure out why we’re friends.’ It was really kind of stupid for us to do that at that point—the answer was that we had to be friends. Now it’s a bit different, in all of our relationships. I’m not sure of all the answers as they relate to each of my friends, but I think I’m going to start asking myself ‘why am I friends with this person?’ And I’m eagerly looking forward to the answers I’ll come up with.

In other news:
Jonathan’s script is amazing. I can’t wait to read the rest. Jonathan: stop reading and finish the script!
Stephanie is visiting: we’re having a great time and helping each other out a lot.
Jimmy was here for a visit (overlapping steph’s by a couple of days) and though he got sick at the end of it, and though we didn’t have a chance to hang out much, I count it a successful visit. He knows the ‘newish’ me, now.
I met a boy. (Details to follow)
I have a job at a restaurant that I really like. And though I’ll probably get fired for being horrendously late today, up to this point, it’s been great!
I’m looking for the little places in my life where I store these pockets of anger—and trying, when I find them, to best deal with those situations. I don’t want them to guide my decisions anymore. I’m worth more—LIFE is worth more than that.

All in all, for the first time, I feel like the new year comes with a new resolve. Not a resolution, I’ve all ready given up and gotten enough, and people break those. These are decisions that I’m making now that have to do with the future in a much broader sense than ‘what are your resolutions?’ I’m looking for a more days when I say ‘yes’ to life than ‘later’ or ‘maybe’ or, worse, ‘no.’