Friday, June 25, 2004

 
Today: Working again and feeling better.

I think that lack of sleep made me pretty crazy this week. That, and a number of my friends have gone almost completely insane. I'm doing better than I thought I was. I'm consistantly making sales at my job. I'm getting called in a lot for jobs. I've got good friends who, though slowly all being comitted are great and supportive people. I'm in a show. I've got a contract for one in August and I'm going to make it through this financial rough-patch that I'm in right now.

*sigh*

With that said, I'm a lot happier with my situation. There are a few key things, however, that haven't changed:

I still think that boys suck.

I still think that Bush sucks.

I'm still unhappy about global warming.

Someday, soon, though, I'll eradicate all of these things in one fell swoop. my Bush/boys/clorofluoralcarbon bomb, which will destroy all three of these things and leave me a very happy Matt Mager.

Comment on my blog. Not this entry, though. There are better ones to comment on.

Bye!

Monday, June 21, 2004

 
Today: Funkiness and Trying to cope.

There has been a mysterious funk in the air around me lately. No, it's not the fact that I haven't showered in a couple days. No, it's not the fact that I had Curry for three days in a row and am now sweating it out. It's not even the fact that I've been exclusively wearing the same pair of sandals for the past month. Dispite these facts, i'm actually smelling okay. The funk is that things just aren't right. My apartment is cleaner than it's ever been. I'm getting cast in a show, like, every other day. I've got a new job which is, besides the low pay, everything I could ask for. I'm young, in good shape. I should be happy.

But things aren't...fitting together, y'know? I'm not happy. My friends, too, aren't really happy. It's weird. There is this weird haze of not-all-together-allrightness that has been encircling the whole of my acquaintences. I just wish things were working out for everyone a little more than they're working out right now.

My friends are all having the same kinds of problems as I am, but the surroundings are idillic and the scenery is always beautiful. The conversation and everyone's stations are better than average, but still, we're upset and sleeping all the time and laying around and generally not being productive with our lives. What gives? Is this change of season thing really that big a cosmic deal?

There is a David Ives play called "the Philadelphia" which discusses a phenomenon called 'a Philadelphia' wherein a person can't actually get what they ask for or want. The only way they can get what they really want is by pretending to want something else: Burger with Fries = broccoli onion omlette with a side of rye toast-- you get the drift. That said, I feel like i've been in a communal Philadelphia with all of my friends pretty much since 2001...Funny...isn't that when Bush started as president?

No, I'm not going to harp on that today, but I just feel like something's got to change. My friends are starting to all 'need to get out' of wherever they are. Two of my friends are seriously considering leaving the city, I'm going fucking nuts and need some freshness in my life. What to do? What to do? Hmmm...

Let me know what you think.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

 
Today: On hating new york.

Okay, so officially, I get it. People are constantly coming to this city to 'find' or 'discover' or 'persue' something. Rarely, however, do they just...move here because it's a nice place to live. I thought I felt differently.

Until this past week.

I can't tell you exactly what happened (because nothing exactly DID happen that was all that different), but I think that part of it has been the fact that I'm just so busy usually. With work and with classes and with trying to make something of myself as an actor, I've really had to work very hard just to have any life at all, let alone a 'New York' style life, in the most 'lively' of 'stylish' cities.

The thing is, though, that I'm slowly beginning to see the matrix. At least in the gay world, it's kind of like i'm in some strange 'invasion of the body snatchers' remake. The guys here seem fine when they move here, then they slowly become insane and hate everyone who hasn't gone similar kinds of nuts. I don't exactly know how to explain it, but those of you who have witnessed my eveolution over the last year or two, would understand, i think. More on this later. I have to go now and try to be normal with some non-gay people. Maybe I'll find out that they're the same as me...Maybe not.


hmmm.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

 
Today: Jobless and beautiful.

So, now I know what it's like to be those people we hate. You know, the ones who don't seem to have jobs; the ones who sit around outside on their ibooks, listening to their ipods and, just generally, enjoying their i-lives (or mclives, if that suits your fancy better). I'm in Bryant park at 3:30, doing just that. I've borrowed my room mate's computer, his Ipod and donned my cutest outdoors clothing to sit in the park and get some work done. It's silly, really, I feel desperately bored and useless. Still pretty, though.

This is my first official week without a job or an imminent job in nearly 3 years. For the past nine months, specifically, I've been working as a drone for corporate America. I'm really glad to be out of it and doing something else. I was originally hoping to have a job right away, because of money issues, but I realize now that I'm really OKAY even if I don't get a job for like a week or so. Someone smart (and I wish I could remember who it was) recently said 'if you spend less, you need less money'. So, I'm going grocery shopping, eating all my meals at home and not thinking about doing any drinking until I have a job again. It's also going to be nice not to have to buy lunch every day--that was a major expenditure, I was spending a lot of money eating lunch out every day I was working.

In the meantime, though, I'll be spending my time working on cleaning my apartment, getting a tan and going to as many auditions as I can. This means I have to buy more headshots because I'm almost out...guh.

I don't know really what to feel right now, but mostly it's just strange. I'm just really, really not used to having free time at all, let alone days of it. I guess, considering I have a rehearsal tonight, tomorrow and plans for Saturday and Sunday all ready, a job interview (which I plan on doing well at) tomorrow and some other pending jobs, I don't have as much free time as I'm guessing I do.

Still, though, it's a strange feeling.

oh look. The sun's gone behind a building...

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